I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
