Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
