I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
