From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
