my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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