I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
