morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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