maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
