im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
