why do cheetos always look like penises
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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