At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
where am i from again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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