you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
3 2 1 whiskey
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize