why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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