My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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