Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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