If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
