Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
