By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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