I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
