It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
