you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
