dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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