whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
