This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize