I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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