i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
