I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
