Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
