Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
