bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
