i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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