Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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