Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
