Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
