I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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