ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
