His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
