dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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