if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
