Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize