Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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