My liver just broke up with me...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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