My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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