Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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