Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
