I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
