We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
