At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
