we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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