3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is Oprah even human
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
