I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
