Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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