Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize