woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
