Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize