I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
