I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
