why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
