Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
