The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
