All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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