you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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