At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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