i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
