i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
