We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
