He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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