I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
