she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
