And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
