just tell him i said nine months
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
