My liver just broke up with me...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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