Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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