I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
