it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bring me that man meat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
