Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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