would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
