So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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