you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
