After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
