If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
