she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
