R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
