im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
