I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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