worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
