you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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