I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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