Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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