i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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