I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
