You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
